I Surrender All
May 7, 2009
“Every other day you hear something happening on the news about people getting shot,” says my grandmother. She used to say that when I was in college and I told her it wasn’t true. She had a tendency to exaggerate, but this week it has been mostly true. It’s only Thursday and every other day somebody has been shot.

Monday night, Tamon Evans-Choate, 18, was shot on his way to the studio to work on his cd. He wasn’t in a gang, and it was almost 7:30 pm. A gunman approached, fired shots, and then hopped into an SUV. Other people who might have been involved ran. After he was shot he was smiling, but then he stopped and started reciting the 23rd psalm. Within the hour, he was pronounced dead.

Today, Thursday morning, just down the street from the office, Soheil Turner, 15, was shot in the head around 7:30 am while at a school bus stop and has possibly died. Another teenager or young adult seems to have targeted him and ran away. News reports say that he had a female basketball coach that was supposed to walk him to the bus stop this morning, but couldn’t. Word on the street is that somebody was waiting for him.

I do not know Tamon or Soheil, but I know that potential is lost. Gang members or not, life is a God-given gift but society judges with partiality. What I notice is that Tamon didn’t ask for help, but he went back to his spiritual foundation. “The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.” It doesn’t say what church he went to or what denomination he was a part of, but he knows God when it is important. Like the person that could not walk Soheil to the bus stop (maybe because they knew something was up), who might forever feel guilt for not being able to be everywhere youth want or need us to be, we have limited power in some realms but absolute power in others. This one of for those of us who get overwhelmed and frustrated.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: For thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies; Thou annointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.” Tamon knows where the power is. Sometimes we forget what our power looks like. We have absolute power:
1. To call the names of children every day in prayer
2. To teach the ones we have access to the foundations of God’s love
3. To be there when we can without assuming mini-god responsibilities
4. To accept that God empowers us to do His work but does not need us to subscribe to the ambitious goal to do everything
5. To be confident in God’s sovereignty
6. To receive God’s comfort and grace for ourselves and others

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

I’m not apathetic. I’m heartbroken, so I’m surrendering….to God. I’m sorry that a young man has lost his life, but I’m so happy that he called out for God instead of me. God saves better than I can. Yes, we should try to fill in all of the gaps for our youth, but if we give them Christ we will have given them everything they need.

Dudley Square

Friday I left work, and as I was getting into my car, I heard somebody screaming. I turned around, and there was a lady who asked me if I came out of the food pantry. I said no. She then told me a story about staying in a shelter and somebody stealing her monthly T-pass, so she can't get to Fitchburg. If I had anything to help her get on the T, she'd take me and buy me something in the store on her EBT card (though she don't want to take food from her babies) for the same amount b/c she doesn't have cash. I told her I would go to the bank and cash a rebate check for 9 dollars and give it to her, and be back if she stayed there. She looked at me and said, "You're not going to come back. You just want me to stand here? Can't I ride with you?"--Ma'am, I don't know you. I can't put you in my car, but if you walk to meet me there, I will have it. "Okay."

I went and got the money and then I had to look for her. Why am I looking for her? Because she might believe me and if I don't find her, I play into her belief that people lie. Certainly they do, but I don't. There's a Bank of American bank and ATM. I went to the ATM. Guess where she went? To the bank. Well, I'm walking around looking for a homeless person (how do you lose a homeless person? deja vu Chicago) and the illegal taxi people are asking me if I need a taxi. (I have keys in my hand.) Then one of the women taxi drivers with huge sunglasses and a jacket in 90 degrees says,"I hope you not out here waitin on your boyfriend or no n%^&* that didn't show up....Because you are beautiful. Don't even need makeup. Don't ever wait for no n#$%^, sweetheart. If he care, he will be on time." Okay, I must remember that. I told her I was looking for somebody who needed help and she said,"They must have got help from somebody else. Don't wait for nobody."

I would hope that my imaginary boyfriend would not ask to meet in Dudley Square, but who knows? Last dude I met in Dudley asked me to go out to the movies or something, and when I told him to give me his email address, he said he didn't have email or a business card. (Flag!) Then he asked me for some money so he could get some food. (Yes, that's what I said. I gave him a dollar. We didn't go out.)

I looked down the corner and there was my homeless friend. In front of the bank. I gave her 10 dollars, she said thank you and commenced to conversation. "You growing locks?" No, ma'am. If it gets wet, the twists will come out. "Oh, you got baby hair." I just turned 30, so I don't think it qualifies, but I'll take it. "Thank you."

Lesson: Love Dudley Square. Don't wait on no _______. Don't lie to homeless people. (I know how it feels, and it only lasted 2 weeks.) It's almost like your boss lying to you about your raise.